Give People Their Damn Flowers

Give people their damn flowers.

This phrase is frequently and sometimes frivolously thrown around, but this is something I’ve always tried to live by.

I’m the friend who, even when I’m not drunk, will send long paragraph texts to the group chat to express my gratitude and love for the friendship and loyalty that my friends have given me.

I try to regularly reflect on the small things my partner does to make me happy and make sure I send him notes of appreciation so he knows that each act—big or small—means so much to me.

Recently during a family wedding week, my cousin expressed her fear of public vulnerability as she prepared to write her vows for her wedding. She joked that our family wasn’t exactly the most emotional or sentimental.

And she was right.

Despite being extremely close with my cousins and family, and us spending what others may perceive as an abnormal amount of time together, the times that we truly got vulnerable and emotional with each other are rare.

We all grew up in homes filled with laughter and while our times together were always fun, it was rare we all just sat around and spoke about our feelings.

I thought about how, it’s usually only after we’ve had a few drinks and kicked off the festivities that we lose our inhibitions and the love for one another comes out for all to see.

So, half-jokingly, I announced to the room that we should do a “gratitude circle,” and take turns saying something nice about the person beside us. If we could all force ourselves to be vulnerable, it would feel less daunting for the next person.

I thought everyone would look at me like I was an idiot—which they did, but then my eldest cousin surprisingly agreed. Everyone was sober, and we were all just sitting there… so why not share some nice words without deflecting with jokes or straight up making fun of one another?

Before I knew it, everyone in the room wholeheartedly joined the process. They shared heartfelt compliments and said aloud things they’ve never said before about why they appreciate the people.

We acknowledged each other’s kindness, generosity, strength, resilience, loyalty and more.

It was honestly quite moving. Something really beautiful happens when you’re vulnerable about how you feel or what you’ve experienced, because it invites others to do the same.

It's crazy how sometimes it’s the people we are closest to, who we know the best, that we rarely engage in deep conversations with.

The gratitude then carried into the rest of the week, and when folks did have a few drinks they began to expand on why they appreciate or are grateful for those they love.

It was a nice change from exchanging loving insults.

There’s a saying by Eckhart Tolle who says that gratitude is the foundation for abundance.

If you are grateful for what you have in the now, you are setting the stage to receive more.

I think this “shout it from the rooftops” type of love should be more normalized across the board.

It’s why I’m exchanging vows at my wedding, so that the people that matter most to me can bear witness to the deep love I have for my partner, and the life we have and are going to have together. There’s so much beauty in loving out loud.

But I also don’t want to wait for special occasions to tell the people I love how much they mean.

Life is so short and fragile. It can be hard, it can be painful.

But the people and relationships that prop us up in the good times and the bad are truly what make up our limited time here.

So we better not hold out on giving them their flowers.